At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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