There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Randomize
