I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
