If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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