some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
