oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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