You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
