On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You just made me feel so damn special
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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