OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
