You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
