i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
