Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
