...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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