No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
