Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
