If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
