There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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