Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
