I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
