No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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