My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
