2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
