I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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