If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
