He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
