I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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