Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
