Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
