I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
