woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize