when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
