You really coming over, don't trick.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
