I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
