saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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