That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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