We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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