He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
