my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
