I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
