my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
