I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize