i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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