so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
