i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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