I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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