The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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