sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I understand Curling. That high.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
