she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
