franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
