it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
