I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
