This is not my ceiling
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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