so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He better not be in your backpack
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize