Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
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If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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