they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
