I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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