And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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