this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
