Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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