I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
