Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
