we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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